You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just want to make out with him forever
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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