you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
