Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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