All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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