"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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