i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Porn is love you can see.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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