Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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