So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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