I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
