glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
