so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize