Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
