I'm really into asian looking animals
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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