Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
