"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
