Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
