I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
