Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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