When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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