My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
