they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
