you guys were way drunker than both of me
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
