I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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