I murdered the dance floor call the cops
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
