She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
