She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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