He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
