hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
