yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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