THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
