so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
