Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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