i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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