did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
