All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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