I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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