I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dicks are not precious.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
