Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
