Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
