I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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