omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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