im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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