just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You almost got us killed.
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