My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
