their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
