This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
