ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
