If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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