im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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