I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
