I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
