He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize