Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
