i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he was CRYING into my vagina
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
