he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize