My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
