So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
