would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
