I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
