Swine flu. Run for my life!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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