it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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