I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
