You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
