he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
