Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
